dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Randomize
