After last night, I could never be a politician.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
