dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
