if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize