WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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