new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
