all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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