my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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