Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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