Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize