TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
time to smoke my breakfast
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
