you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
