sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
