last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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