I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
