The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
