My friends, they love my intelligence
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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