don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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