Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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