i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
