I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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