we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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