if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
