Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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