1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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