the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
