He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
