I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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