tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she peed on how many people?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
