omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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