I CAN MOONWALK!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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