just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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