You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize