you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
