Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
