Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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