you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found your dick twin last night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
