Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
