You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
