Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
