I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Someone signed my nipple.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
