hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
