READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize