it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
