Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
