If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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