Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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