Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
