Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize