My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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