That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You're like the curious george of whores
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
