Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
