and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
