Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
