Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
