The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
