Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
