Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
