My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
