i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
