haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
