Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
