I love black thongs
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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