you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
