i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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