woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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