i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
