i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Randomize
