Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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