Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
