last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
