my phone needs a breathalizer
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
