im six kinds of drunk right now
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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