He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
