I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
