i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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