I think I died a long time ago.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
