I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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